we are driving
down the West Side Highway
i am telling him the story
of the day he was born
we are being driven by the car service
on this same road almost empty
to the hospital
inner storms outer calm
dark quiet city
skies clear glowing moon
two days from full
i look back and he is asleep

we are driving down Columbus Ave
oh, look! Lincoln Center
i am six
in the backseat of my father's car
head pressed to the closed window
trying to see the tops of
the buildings that block the sky
so many yellow taxis around us
panic rising with all the activity
if i can be six i can be seventy-two
immovable like my mountain home
flowing with like my mountain waters

we are driving west on 65th Street
through Central Park
past Temple Emanu-El
'God is with us'
i am not with God
not in that sense
i will not leave the world
in a plain pine box
my path goes through fire

Once in a Lifetime is on the radio
'How did I get here?'
i know exactly how i got here
'How did I get here?'
sitting in traffic
'How did I get here?'
behind the fifth garbage truck
'How did I get here?'
of the morning

for just a moment
everything drops away
this body is not me
this life is not mine
this child is not mine
everything is moving
all around except the van
in front of me stuck behind
the waste of the world

i chose the start of the morning playlist
the rest are messages from the shuffling spirits

Pretend We're Dead (L7)
Waiting Room (Fugazi)
American Music (Violent Femmes)
This is Love (PJ Harvey)
Love Buzz (Fugazi)
Been Caught Stealing (Jane's Addiction)
Feed the Tree (Belly)
Queen Bitch (David Bowie) at my request
Oh! You Pretty Things (David Bowie)
Once in a Lifetime (Talking Heads)
Marquee Moon (Television) this song never ends
Roadrunner (The Modern Lovers)